Beauty May Fade - But True Love Remains

I read an article recently claiming that beauty begins to fade at 27. It made me sad and angry. It’s bad enough many in our society go through life worrying about the size of their thighs or behinds, now we’re being told that there is a specific point in our lives when we begin the downhill slide to ‘old-age’. But even if it were true, does it make a difference when it comes to matters of the heart? Is it possible you have met your soul mate, but because their physical presence didn’t cause you to catch your breath, you missed your chance? If your priorities are for physical beauty, you may end up wasting a lot of time kissing frogs.
The ideal body image that the media portrays is solely determined by outward factors. But beauty is subjective; each one of us defines it in our own way. The truth of the cliche “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” makes it impossible to pin down a day on the calendar when beauty begins to fade. The message that society sends about beauty is not only dangerous to our health but also to our relationships. Young girls  refuse to eat to maintain a size ‘0′; young adults are exercise excessively to gain a bodybuilder’s physique and men and women of all ages are opting for cosmetic surgery, in an attempt to stop inevitable aging.
It’s true that the first thing we notice about someone is their appearance. But the people I’m most drawn to are not who you would call ‘pretty’ people. They’re every-day men and women who have confidence and charisma. Their specific characteristics are not always obvious but they have traits I’m attracted to and make me want to make a connection. They pay no attention to what is happening around them, but stay true to their own morals, ethics and life goals.
It may be outer beauty that first makes individuals stand out in the crowd but their inner beauty is what keeps us interested. Seeing beyond the physical will bring the connectedness we all crave. Your partner might not be strikingly beautiful but have a heart of gold. I also assert that the people we truly love grow more beautiful in our eyes.
Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

Are you dating a married man?

So you’re feeling more than a little bit attracted, physically and emotionally, to the great looking guy you’ve been dating, even wondering if you could be in love. But do you really know him? When it has been estimated that over one-third of men in the dating scene, whether online or not, are married, it’s an important question to have answered. How can you be sure he’s not married, without paying for a background check? There are signs and hints that can help you learn the truth.
Is he already married??? Here are some signs to look for:

1. Trust Your Inner Voice - Not exactly scientific or heard by others, your inner voice is your intuition or sixth-sense. You don’t know how you ‘know’ - you just do. Learning to pay attention when you sense something is not quite right may protect you from unknowingly getting involved with a married man.
2. Personal Information is Vague or Withheld-It's understandable that personal information won’t be shared in the first few dates, but once the relationship becomes more serious, learning more about each other is natural and healthy. But a married man will rarely share this kind of information, even using a fictitious name. If your date hesitates to share his home phone number, where he lives and works, you need to be cautious. Anyone who lives out of a suitcase, provides a post office box as a mailing address and explains it away with a flippant devil-may-care attitude is someone who may not be giving you the whole scoop.
3. Never Invites You Home - Probably the most obvious sign that you’re date is married is that you’re never invited to his home. Roommates or clutter are the excuses often cited, but anyone who keeps you from seeing where they live could be married.
4. Schedules Dates like Clockwork - The times you can meet are so predictable that you could set your clock by them. Be wary especially if he can only see you during the week. Weekends are out of the question for a married man - that’s family time.
5. Avoids Social Events - A married man will want to avoid social events. He doesn’t want to be called out on his deception. If you rarely go out socially, even to innocent places like a restaurant and have never been invited to meet his friends or family and vague excuses are given, your date may be married. A sincere, single man will be more than happy, even honored, to have his family meet you.
6. Sudden Disappearances - If you’re dating someone who has to go out-of-town during the holidays or just plain disappears unexpectedly for periods of time, you need to investigate. Does he call at odd hours, hang up without notice and call back later. These signs may indicate he’s a busy family man or at least a married man.
7. Behavior and Attitudes - A dating married man will be cautious in every way. He may be quiet, not participating in the conversations around him. Obviously, he may just be shy, but over time that should lessen and he should be able to open up.

There are risks whether a person uses online dating services or goes the traditional dating route. Deceptive people will use all kinds of tricks to get what they want. But the signs are always there when a person is playing a cruel game in a relationship, you just need to be alert to the possibility. The best defense is to be aware that you may hook up with one and learn to trust your gut.

10 Ways to Make Valentine's Day Special

As you've probably noticed, we are all being bombarded with messages like don't forget the flowers, boxes of candy, and of course, the diamonds (even chocolate diamonds!) because of Valentine's day.

Most holidays can bring up a myriad of emotions but this one is especially ripe for unearthing hidden and not so hidden expectations.

You emotions can be all over the place from feelings of deep love and excitement to deep disappointment and loneliness.

So how can you deal with a holiday like this and actually enjoy yourself, whether you are in a "relationship" or not?

Here are 10 suggestions to make your relationships better--no matter what day it is from our"Red Hot Love Relationships" course...
1) Don't Forget Kindness and Thoughtfulness

We all get in a rush sometimes and forget to be kind. We just want to get the things done that we have to get done and move along to the next thing to be done.

Whether you are currently in an intimate relationship or not--take a moment to be kind to the people in your life. Kindness certainly doesn't have to mean "doing" for someone (but it can.)

It can mean just giving a smile, sending a kind, loving thought, or simply listening to a story that you may have heard many times before.

2) Don't Forget Appreciation

So often we find ourselves dwelling on what irritates us about the people in our lives and we forget to appreciate the things about our relationships that are working. Appreciation only works when you want nothing in return. If there are "strings" along with your appreciation of another person, (like you want appreciation in return) it will seem like an empty, needy gesture. Appreciation has to be expressed from your heart and in such a way that is
genuine.

Even if you want to be appreciated back (we all do), start it off by telling someone in your life what you appreciate about them today.

3) Listen Closely to What Your Partner Wants

Whether it's to make plans for a Valentine's day celebration or just listening to how your partner's day went--leave your ego and your desire to help or "fix it" for him or her at the door and just listen.

We all get into habits that stifle communication--that shut off a true connection of the heart. To open up and bring more joy and ease into your relationship, take a moment to realize what you do to assume, to fix or to judge (even though you may not think you are doing those things) and just listen to understand your partner.

4) Listen Closely to What You Want

Listening closely to what you want can be even harder than learning to listen to your partner. So many people have learned along the way that it's not safe to feel emotions--and they simply don't know how to listen to what they want. You have to practice listening to the voice inside you so that you can be honest and authentic with the people in your life. You have to learn who you are and honor that by letting others know who the real "you" is.

5) If It's an Intimate Relationship, Don't Forget Time Alone

In our busy lives, we often forget to recharge by spending some time alone. Whether it's taking a walk outside by
yourself and enjoying nature or it's taking 20 minutes to meditate or tune in and calm your thoughts--we've found that we are much better people and treat each other more lovingly if we take time for ourselves.

6) Don't Forget to Breathe

It may seem kind of silly to remind you to not forget to breathe, but so many of us actually live in the land of anxious, shallow breathing. Belly breathing can relax you, help you to clear your mind and keep you in the present moment.

What's that got to do with creating great relationships? When we are relaxed, we listen better to others and we don't react quite so quickly from old patterns. We are able to access a fresh point of view when we breathe that can promote more understand and closer connections.

7) Don't Forget the "Show"

What's the "show"? The show is what we do to show the other person that he/she is special in our lives. It can be a greeting card, a present or creating a special night or weekend away. It can be elaborate or it can be simple--whatever the two of you prefer. The main thing is that you "show" the other person how special they are to you.

8) Don't Forget Discernment

The media likes to use hype and if you buy into what the mass media promotes as "the way Valentine's day should be," then you might be setting yourself up for disappointment after the big day comes and goes.

Remember, it's not about the money you spend, where (or if) you bought that special diamond necklace, or where you went for dinner. It's about the love that's underneath all of that.

9) Don't Forget to Be Present and Be Real

If you're like most people, you're usually either mentally thinking about what you have to do or are going to do in the future or thinking about what happened to you in the past. The present moments fly by without you really participating in them.

To be present and real means to be fully focusing on what's going on right here and right now. Great relationships are built on that idea and whether it's Valentine's day or not, it's a terrific practice to get into.

10) Don't Forget to Think Long-Term Love and Not Just Short-Term "Wow"

Whether it's a dating situation or long-term committed relationship or marriage, when you are thinking about a celebration of your love or of your relationship, keep in mind what would create and feed long-term love instead of going for the "wow" factor.

To know the difference, you have to keep showing each other how special you are to each other in every day--and not just this day because it's a day of "love and romance."

The real juice in keeping a relationship that is alive and growing is in what you do and say in every moment to each other.

At any time during the year, we invite you to make conscious decisions about your life and not just let "life" happen to you.

Our best to you on Valentine's day and every other day.

One Sure Way to Get Closer...

Registration is now open for our "Get Closer Weekend" and this is really exciting because if you've enjoyed our articles, books and courses, you'll have the opportunity to work with us personally on creating the relationship you've always wanted.

If you want to "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover, then you're going to want to click on over to this web page and watch the special relationship advice video we just created for you that will tell you all about how you can do it.

When you apply what we are going to share with you during this incredible event, the possibilities for what you can create in your relationship or marriage are amazing.

For people who attend this event...

*Closed Hearts are going to open

*Passion is going to be reignited

*Sex is going to get hotter, juicier, more delicious and possibly more frequent

*Lost connections of the heart are going to be restored

*Trust is going to be rebuilt

*Resentments are going to melt away

*Communication is going to get easier

And you might even feel like you've fallen in love all over again.

Check out this video that describes this amazing opportunity for you to truly "Get Closer" to your spouse, partner or lover.

3 Ways to Keep Your Love and Passion Alive

How do you keep a relationship loving, intimate, alive and growing over the long haul?

We are constantly on the look out for ideas to keep the spark alive in our relationship and we love passing them on to you. Just the other day, the Borders book store that is not far from our home had a going-out-of-business sale and we went shopping. Since we love books and our house is full of them, we had fun picking out some new books that would give us some new ideas to keep our love-making fresh and exciting.

One of the books is filled with erotic (but not too over the edge) stories that we're going to read to each other while we're on a vacation that's coming up.

So a trip to the book store might be fun for the two of you or you might choose something else...

One way you and your partner can reactivate your love and passion is to attend our workshop that's coming up--a "Get Closer Weekend." (Check out our short video aboutgetting closer to your partner)

Here are some ideas other ideas from three people who agreed to share how they keep their passion and relationship alive and growing...

1. Be open to trying new things.

"For our marriage it is the openness to try different, new things. Go to new places, buy new things, try new activities. Just the willingness and the openness to do any of these things has a great power. Whether we continue them or not isn't the point its the trying it and being honest. It's showing trust in the other persons
ideas. We have found simple things like playing a computer game my husband truly enjoys but I have never tried. Going to a new place that I have gone but he hasn't."

2. Change things up and flirt with each other.

"After 12 years of marriage and 4 kids, my wife and I understand the need to 'work' to keep intimacy in our relationship. Truth be told, it is not work. We are both very good at doing the small things... sweet talk, gentle
touches throughout the day, demonstrate respect for each other. But we also look to change things up a bit. I
recently bought my wife a new cell phone with texting capabilities. I taught how to text and she almost immediately began texting me highly suggestive messages while I am at the office. By the end of the day, we have worked each other up mentally that we are really looking forward to see each other when I get home. Poor kids get sent to bed early A LOT recently."

3. Surprise your partner and communicate daily.

"One of the key things we do to keep our relationship alive is to make sure we can surprise each other. Surprises can take the form of presents of course, or simply an unexpected evening out, meal for two or even a gesture, a kind word here and there, a joke, a new way of looking at things, a new aspect to the relationship, a new activity together.

Otherwise, of course communication is key, and being open to listen to the others' concerns and feeling able to express one's own concerns is extremely important. We schedule time on a daily basis to see how the other person's day went, and also at the weekend to reflect over the week. When travelling, there are many forms of communication which can help to keep things alive, so we're thinking of each other: text messages, phone calls, e-mail."

If you have other ways of keep your relationship loving, alive and growing, we invite you to send us your story.

8 Sure Signs Your Relationship Could Be In Trouble (Without You Even Knowing It)

You've been hearing us talk a lot about our upcoming "Get Closer Weekend" and if you are considering coming...

NOW is the time to act.

This is because the early bird special which means big savings on our "Get Closer Weekend" is about to expire.

Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, come learn the secrets to keeping love, passion and a great connection alive for as long as you want.

Just go here to get the details or to sign up for THIS incredible "Get Closer Weekend."

When people ask us what's one thing they can do to get closer in their relationship, we give them a suggestion
that goes something like what we talked about in our free teleclass we gave this past week...

If you want to get closer, one way is to focus on getting on the same team.

This seems so obvious but "getting on the same team" and getting the two of you lined up in the same way and focused in the same direction is one of the real challenges of relationships.

We can tell you from personal experience that when both of you work as a team as you move through life together, you can literally conquer anything and everything that gets in your way of keeping the passion, love and connection alive.

When it comes to great examples of "getting on the same team," you don't have to look any further than sports for inspiration, especially this time of year when the NCAA college basketball teams are gearing up for the "big dance."

Since we're from Columbus, of course we follow our Buckeyes and are excited the men are #1 right now in the standings.

As we've watched college basketball and other sports, especially the Cincinnati Reds baseball team, we've come to some conclusions about winning teams...

*It's not only talent that creates a winning team but it's also the way they work together as a team

*In winning teams, individual roles are clearly defined

*Individuals on a winning team appreciate their teammates and build them up. You don't hear them talking badly about each other.

*Winning teams have a sense of community and working toward a common objective. They are lined up in the same direction with the same purpose.

What does this have to do with your relationship?

Plenty.

When you take the time to get lined up and get on the same team, everything's easier. Disagreements are less intense and don't last as long--and passion and closeness are greater.

The problem is that most couples don't feel they're always (or even sometimes) on the same team.

What do couples do when they aren't on the same team?

1. Become aware of what you do as a habit that pushes your partner away.

For Susie, it's stopping herself from being pushy and interrupting Otto and just listening when she gets irritated or tense. She has to slow herself down from jumping into finishing his sentences.

For Otto, he has to remember Susie's not the enemy and stop himself from getting into "fight" mode when he gets triggered. He has to remember how delicious their closeness is to him and not fall into fighting or withdrawing from her.

2. Find ways to stop whatever habit you have that takes you from feeling like you are on the same team.

For us, we have to be aware of the urge to do whatever is a habit for us to do when we get triggered by something and then make a conscious choice to remember our commitment to listening to understand where the other is coming from.

Not always easy, we know, but when we remember that our love is more important than "being right," we do get on the same team and resolve whatever has separated us.

Does that mean we become doormats?

Of course not. We find ways to express what we're feeling so the other can hear. We find ways to work out our differences. If you want some "magic words" to say when you're at odds with each other.

For you, we suggest you become aware of what takes you away from being aligned with your partner.

Take a moment now and write down one thing--maybe a small thing--that you know if you stopped doing it, the two of you would feel more in alignment with each other and on the same team.

We invite you to practice that "one thing" this week and see what happens in your relationship.

Living Together Before Marriage – A Good Idea?

More than half (54%) of all couples who married between 1990 and 1994 began their relationship cohabiting together before getting married. By 2000, the total number of unmarried couples in America was nearly five million, up from less than half a million in 1960. Nearly ten percent (9.6%) of all couples living together were unmarried in 2007, according the U.S. Census. And for couples who have been married more than once, the rate of living together is even higher.
An increase in the number of couples who are cohabiting goes along with an increase in society’s acceptance. It was only thirty years ago that an unmarried couple who was living together were breaking the law. It was only a generation ago that it was considered a disgrace to shack-up; these couples were the rebels, the risk takers of society. Today those societal standards have gone by the wayside and nod and a wink is the typical response by friends and family to an unmarried couple living together.
Many people believe that living together is a good test run before committing to marriage, helping to lessen the inevitable marital problems. But moving in together means a commitment that goes deeper than many people realize - buying or renting a place together, getting a dog and sharing in an exclusive relationship. And couples who aren’t sure they want to marry will find it much more difficult to end the relationship.
Although it’s true that the overall divorce rate is higher among couples who have lived together before marrying, not in the way you probably think. A new study shows that the real risk is for those who lived with someone other than their eventual spouse.
Higher Divorce Risk
Cohabitation does not reduce the likelihood of eventual divorce; in fact, it’s associated with a higher divorce risk. Social research on the topic shows that the chances of divorce ending a marriage preceded by cohabitation are significantly greater than for a marriage not preceded by cohabitation.
A reason for this could be that the experience of dissolving one cohabiting relationship generates a greater willingness to dissolve one later. This may be similar to the effects of divorce;  going through a divorce makes one more tolerant of divorce. Living together isn’t the cause, it’s the attitude of the people who are choosing to give it a ‘try’ before committing to marriage.
Infidelity and Aggression
Divorce may not be more prevalent in those who cohabit, but infidelity is, along with physical aggression. Women in cohabiting relationships are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse. Aggression is fifty times more likely in live-in situations. Several studies found that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their partner than are women in marital relationships. Researchers theorize that marriages are held together by a strong ethic of commitment, while cohabiting by nature undercuts ethics with less commitment and a greater desire for personal autonomy.
Communication and Satisfaction
The assurance of a long-term commitment that comes with saying “I do” provides fertile ground for people to develop their conflict resolution and support skills. Cohabiting couples have less invested in the relationship and fewer reasons to work it out. They report lower levels of happiness, sexual exclusivity and satisfaction. Nearly 40% of couples living together will break up within seven years.
So whether you choose to cohabitate or not the benefits of committing to marriage are too numerous to ignore. Married couples experience better physical and mental health, happiness, longevity and production in the labor market. In addition, depression is three times more likely in cohabiting couples than in married couples.

Importance of Touch in Relationships

Our first impression of other people comes through our sense of sight, sound and smell. Our sense of touch, on the other hand, is something we hunger for and one of the best ways of communicating our feelings to others. Touch provides comfort and reassurance.
From the moment we are born we crave touch. It is the beginning of how we build self-esteem and a way to increase intimacy. In a romantic relationship, we go through stages of touch that play an important part in the increasing intimacy of the relationship.
There is a great deal of research on the importance of touch in healthy relationships. Studies have shown that by simply holding hands or rubbing someone’s back, you can lower stress levels, lessen anxiety and physical other disorders. There are noticeable changes in mood and even health when we’re exposed to simple human kindness in the form of touch.
Touch is an important method of communicating your feelings to your partner. It shows that you care, want to be involved and supportive. Touching someone lightly with your fingertips will communicate a personal language to the person touched. You will enjoy it as much as your partner and be aware of their absence when you’re apart.
Touching Your Date
Touch can be tricky you’re dating. Some people need their personal space, while others love to be touched. Some people love to touch and others don’t. This is when being able to read body language is important. Look for responses to your moves before advancing to the stage.
You may be seen as pushy or fast if you move too quickly to touch a new date. But on the flip side, move too slowly and you could frustrate your date. A touch must come at the right moment and in the right context. Try to be aware of your own desires and behaviors with touch.
Keep in Touch
Couples in crisis often reflect their discontent with less of the touch that is crucial to a relationship. When you’re relationship is hurting, it is important that you make some sort of physical contact every day -  spontaneously hold hands or give a full body hug to your partner. Talk to your partner and if you feel there is something lacking in your life, make an effort to change. You may be surprised by the positive outcome.